Sunday, 22 November 2009
11. This Loneliness, El Perro Del Mar (2006)
To me, this song will always be the sound of a dying indie girl; the sound of what happens when the comforts of melancholy harden and blacken; the sound of El Perro Del Mar's strange, Swedish voice holding me by the shoulders as I wound through the subways at Aldgate every week. She'd tell me what a friend loneliness had been; how only I could know "how the days go by". It is the sound of a dull, dark dread that I couldn't shake off, of those never-ending months; it is a sound that I can barely bring myself to revisit.
Listening to this song now, remembering the "tears and the rain, the heart breaking again", its opening sentiment seems so silly and obvious – of course "this loneliness ain't pretty no more". But its words also take me back to the person I was – puts her head in the water, reminds her how far away the sun really seemed to be. And as the song gets to its end, the clouds of the past part, and I remember how she started to breathe again.